“Respect for yourself leads to respect for others… the more you respect yourself the more you will find peace.”

I live in a rural community. All kinds of people live here… farmers, commercial fishermen, doctors, lawyers, school teachers, retirees, young families, weekenders. Some families have been here for generations, some families  just moved in. We have million dollar homes, and double wide trailers. One family is active in the community, has young children, and are in the process of building a house on the property they just cleared. But until the house is built there has been and will be a variety of RVs, make-shift storage sheds, and a backhoe and large truck. In other words clutter that provides shelter for the family and their belongings.

Yesterday a message came out, via our community email list, from the wife in that family. Apparently another community member wrote a scathing anonymous note complaining bitterly about the clutter. So the wife sent a message to the community alias, telling us of the note, and how much it hurt, but then spent multiple paragraphs expressing gratitude for all of the community that has been so supportive, helpful, and kind. It was truly a graceful way to handle the situation.

Of course many other neighbors responded with their support, but at the same time expressed a surprising level of judgement about the anonymous note writer. And no one expressed any genuine concern for the well-being or state of mind of the person who wrote the nasty note. No huge surprise there…. but it did cross my mind.

I believe in the concept that all “unskillful” behavior comes from unmet needs. Therefore my heart goes out, of course, to the family who received the note, but also to the person who wrote it. My guess is that person doesn’t feel the love and support of the community. That person may feel lonely and isolated, and may feel so badly about him or herself that the only way he or she knows how to reach out is through vitriol.

So what does this have to do with respect? For me this incident highlights how important it is to be comfortable in our own skin. When we are at ease with ourselves, and have genuine kindness and respect for ourselves we have no need to lash out at others. And even when we’ve been hurt we can respond with grace. As our self-respect, self-acceptance, self-compassion grows our respect and tolerance for others increases exponentially.

Bear this in mind as you meditate today, and move through your day today with your heart wide open, doing your best to respect yourself and extend that respect to others. Notice if you find any peace through this process.